Critique Essay of critique of "In Just"
Upon reading this essay critique I do note the essay is in five paragraph form. The writers tone is formal and easy to read. I am uncertain what the essay topic is about, I only know the title "In Just". Also, I don't see any thesis statement in this critique. There are no clear steps to follow that allows me to make sense of what I may be reading about. This essay may be easy to read, but not clear.
Through out the essay I notice a theme of constantly bringing up the thesis statement to the writer, that there is lack of a thesis, it is not strong. This is a global concern, however you don't give the writer any suggestions or examples of an appropriate thesis statement for this essay. Thesis seems to be the main focus of this essay critique, yet nothing concrete is addressed for the writer to refer back to.
The writer may get lost in the wordiness of the critique, as evidenced by the second and third paragraph are lengthy with redundant information. This is going to confuse the reader, I know it confused me! Again, more examples could be given for the global concern of the thesis statement, because with out the thesis statement there really is no essay.
Local strengths of this critique are strong. Consistent grammar ,diction and mechanics are used. There are some run on sentences in the third and fourth paragraphs, but over all it is nicely written. Repetition is also repeated at length with regards to a thesis statement. More effective critique would to give the writer more examples of what her thesis statement could look like, visual examples would help the write for future reference.
In conclusion, I feel this critique does let the writer know of her global concern needs to be focused on the thesis statement, but I am still left wondering what the essay was about and what was the initial thesis statement of the writer's essay to begin with. I am left with the impression that the writer who critiqued the original essay is knowledgeable, but just did not get the point across to the writer of the essay.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Revision Strategy Essay for Poem "Immigrants" by Pat Mora
Revision Strategy Essay
"Immigrants"
By Pat Mora
I have recently read the essay "Immigrants" by Pat Mora. My understanding of this essay is, immigrant parents want their young children to be raised with Americans culture, traditions while hiding ones true heritage from society. I feel the writers introduction and thesis is clear and to the point, I am able to read through the essay with ease. While reading this essay, I felt sad for the immigrant parents who felt ashamed of their heritage. The writers tone illustrated a picture in my mind that made me able to visualize the characters.
American culture was made evident by "wrap their babies in the American Flag" (Mora 1) as well as giving the children American names "name them Bill and Daisy" ( Mora 3) Again, this evidence is in clear, meaningful steps. The essay flows with organization and comes directly from the thesis statement. Global concerns are minimal, however, I do encourage the writer to use more rhetorical wording and more emphasis on words where needed.
Traditions are made vivid by the children playing with tangible items, American toys . "blonde dolls that blink blue eyes" (Mora 4-5) "football and tiny cleats for baby before he can even walk" This is a great example of drilling something into ones mind before he or she can make their own choice of do they even like dolls or football? The parents don't think of that, the toys are American, therefore, the children will play with them. More traditions are discussed, "eat apple pie and hot dogs" (Mora 6-7)
Again, I can read this essay with ease and get a true understanding of the parents desire to raise their children to be Americans. The parents will hide their true heritage. "whisper in Spanish and Polish when babies sleep" (Mora 9-10) The parents have true fear that the children will not be liked if their true identity is exposed . Citation is well done and presents evidence of the parents concerns and sacrifices.
In conclusion, this essay clearly illustrates immigrant parents desire to raise their babies as Americans. The immigrants desire to cloak their own heritage with Americanized traditions and cultures in hopes their children will be accepted by society. In final thoughts I feel the local concerns for this essay are minimal. MLA was followed, mechanics and grammar with minimal errors and diction was legible. I enjoyed reading this essay and could vividly see illustrations through the writers tone.
"Immigrants"
By Pat Mora
I have recently read the essay "Immigrants" by Pat Mora. My understanding of this essay is, immigrant parents want their young children to be raised with Americans culture, traditions while hiding ones true heritage from society. I feel the writers introduction and thesis is clear and to the point, I am able to read through the essay with ease. While reading this essay, I felt sad for the immigrant parents who felt ashamed of their heritage. The writers tone illustrated a picture in my mind that made me able to visualize the characters.
American culture was made evident by "wrap their babies in the American Flag" (Mora 1) as well as giving the children American names "name them Bill and Daisy" ( Mora 3) Again, this evidence is in clear, meaningful steps. The essay flows with organization and comes directly from the thesis statement. Global concerns are minimal, however, I do encourage the writer to use more rhetorical wording and more emphasis on words where needed.
Traditions are made vivid by the children playing with tangible items, American toys . "blonde dolls that blink blue eyes" (Mora 4-5) "football and tiny cleats for baby before he can even walk" This is a great example of drilling something into ones mind before he or she can make their own choice of do they even like dolls or football? The parents don't think of that, the toys are American, therefore, the children will play with them. More traditions are discussed, "eat apple pie and hot dogs" (Mora 6-7)
Again, I can read this essay with ease and get a true understanding of the parents desire to raise their children to be Americans. The parents will hide their true heritage. "whisper in Spanish and Polish when babies sleep" (Mora 9-10) The parents have true fear that the children will not be liked if their true identity is exposed . Citation is well done and presents evidence of the parents concerns and sacrifices.
In conclusion, this essay clearly illustrates immigrant parents desire to raise their babies as Americans. The immigrants desire to cloak their own heritage with Americanized traditions and cultures in hopes their children will be accepted by society. In final thoughts I feel the local concerns for this essay are minimal. MLA was followed, mechanics and grammar with minimal errors and diction was legible. I enjoyed reading this essay and could vividly see illustrations through the writers tone.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Poem Essay "Immigrants" by Pat Mora
"Immigrants" by Pat Mora
I have recently read the poem "Immigrants" by Pat Mora. In the poem "Immigrants", Mora depicts a graphic tale of how immigrant parents wanted so badly for their children to fit in to the American culture. The parents cloak their family in the American pop culture traditions so they can keep their true heritage identities incognito.
Mora illustrates the parents' desire for the children to be Americans right from the beginning. The very first example to prove the parents desire' is"wrap their babies in the American Flag" ( Mora 1). Another piece of evidence is that the parents give the children all American names," name them Bill and Daisy" (Mora 3). The children are also given traditional American toys to play with "blonde dolls that blink blue eyes" (Mora 4-5) and "football and tiny cleats before baby can even walk" (Mora 5-6).
While reading the poem, I felt the parents sense of fear and guilt of their heritage and culture. The parents whisper quietly in their native tongue "whisper in Spanish and Polish when babies sleep" (Mora 9-10). The parents go even farther with "Americanizing" the children by feeding them foods that they may not even like as babies, "mashed hot dogs and apple pie" ( Mora 2) as to thoroughly keep any of their own true culture away from their babies mouths.
The parents in the poem are fearful that society will not accept their children. Why would they be so afraid of raising their children naturally with their own culture and heritage? Was Mora reflecting on stories told to her by immigrants, or was she a product of this poem? Her heritage hidden in the dark from her. Mora(12-13)" Will they like our boy, our girl?" (Mora 13-14) "Our fine American boy, our fine American girl?" This poem made me think about how I would feel moving to a new country with a baby. How would I feel? Would I raise my child in the culture I was surrounded by? Would I be afraid to speak my native English. This must have been very difficult for immigrants. Coming to America, wanting to be American and what they are willing to sacrifice, what are they willing to do to fit in?
In conclusion, this poem reflects the authors view of how some immigrant parents raised their children to be embraced as true Americans and to shun their true heritage identities, to hide them in the dark out of fear of not being accepted.
I have recently read the poem "Immigrants" by Pat Mora. In the poem "Immigrants", Mora depicts a graphic tale of how immigrant parents wanted so badly for their children to fit in to the American culture. The parents cloak their family in the American pop culture traditions so they can keep their true heritage identities incognito.
Mora illustrates the parents' desire for the children to be Americans right from the beginning. The very first example to prove the parents desire' is"wrap their babies in the American Flag" ( Mora 1). Another piece of evidence is that the parents give the children all American names," name them Bill and Daisy" (Mora 3). The children are also given traditional American toys to play with "blonde dolls that blink blue eyes" (Mora 4-5) and "football and tiny cleats before baby can even walk" (Mora 5-6).
While reading the poem, I felt the parents sense of fear and guilt of their heritage and culture. The parents whisper quietly in their native tongue "whisper in Spanish and Polish when babies sleep" (Mora 9-10). The parents go even farther with "Americanizing" the children by feeding them foods that they may not even like as babies, "mashed hot dogs and apple pie" ( Mora 2) as to thoroughly keep any of their own true culture away from their babies mouths.
The parents in the poem are fearful that society will not accept their children. Why would they be so afraid of raising their children naturally with their own culture and heritage? Was Mora reflecting on stories told to her by immigrants, or was she a product of this poem? Her heritage hidden in the dark from her. Mora(12-13)" Will they like our boy, our girl?" (Mora 13-14) "Our fine American boy, our fine American girl?" This poem made me think about how I would feel moving to a new country with a baby. How would I feel? Would I raise my child in the culture I was surrounded by? Would I be afraid to speak my native English. This must have been very difficult for immigrants. Coming to America, wanting to be American and what they are willing to sacrifice, what are they willing to do to fit in?
In conclusion, this poem reflects the authors view of how some immigrant parents raised their children to be embraced as true Americans and to shun their true heritage identities, to hide them in the dark out of fear of not being accepted.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Week #2 Poem Interpretation
Gwendolyn Brooks
"We Real Cool"
I found this poem to be simple to understand and clear to the point .My interpretation of this poem is the writer is speaking of herself as a youth and her rowdy friends. She is writing of good times when youth think they are invincible and the chances they took to party. She also speaks of tragedy, death. I feel she is speaking of a friend(s) dying due to poor choices that were made by all of them as a group. She speaks of skipping school, drinking gin, playing pool and living to be on the edge.
Young adults do think they are "cool" most make poor choices and don't realize the consequences could be life altering. I feel she is writing this reflecting on her youth and how she and her friend thought they were on top of the world, living on the edge until tragedy made them all grow up. I can relate to this poem, I was once a teen who thought only of myself and having a good time with friends. I think most adults could relate to this poem and possibly reflect on personal teen age memories.
"We Real Cool"
I found this poem to be simple to understand and clear to the point .My interpretation of this poem is the writer is speaking of herself as a youth and her rowdy friends. She is writing of good times when youth think they are invincible and the chances they took to party. She also speaks of tragedy, death. I feel she is speaking of a friend(s) dying due to poor choices that were made by all of them as a group. She speaks of skipping school, drinking gin, playing pool and living to be on the edge.
Young adults do think they are "cool" most make poor choices and don't realize the consequences could be life altering. I feel she is writing this reflecting on her youth and how she and her friend thought they were on top of the world, living on the edge until tragedy made them all grow up. I can relate to this poem, I was once a teen who thought only of myself and having a good time with friends. I think most adults could relate to this poem and possibly reflect on personal teen age memories.
Week #2 Poem Interpretation
Allen Ginsberg
"In a Supermarket in California."
I read this poem several times. My interpretation of this piece of writing is that the author is speaking of a dream he has recently had. In his dream he is at a very busy supermarket with all kinds of food and people busily shopping. He is not alone, he is shopping with the author Walt Whitman.. The author also spots another author in the store, Garcia Lorca.
I feel this poem is the writings of a mans very vivid dream that he has had after reading several writings by both of these authors. He wonders where he will be next with Walt Whitman, where will the journey take them next time he may dream of them. The poet his sharing details of his own personal dreams, I also get the sense that he fantasizes about these two male authors and wonders what it would be like to be with them. This poem made sense to me and I feel it had intent, a man writing about his dreams and the love for poetry.
"In a Supermarket in California."
I read this poem several times. My interpretation of this piece of writing is that the author is speaking of a dream he has recently had. In his dream he is at a very busy supermarket with all kinds of food and people busily shopping. He is not alone, he is shopping with the author Walt Whitman.. The author also spots another author in the store, Garcia Lorca.
I feel this poem is the writings of a mans very vivid dream that he has had after reading several writings by both of these authors. He wonders where he will be next with Walt Whitman, where will the journey take them next time he may dream of them. The poet his sharing details of his own personal dreams, I also get the sense that he fantasizes about these two male authors and wonders what it would be like to be with them. This poem made sense to me and I feel it had intent, a man writing about his dreams and the love for poetry.
Week 2, Poem interpretation.
Emily Dickinson
"The Soul selects her own Society."
I really enjoyed this poem. I analyzed the words of the poem, to me it was clear she was speaking of her sexuality. It is possible she is speaking of her choice to be true to her inner soul, who she really is, a lesbian. I focused on several words and based my interpretation from them. When she speaks of shutting the door to the majority, I view that as the majority being heterosexuals. She also writes she is not swayed by rich and powerful suitors that approach her for affection. She knows she could have who ever she chooses by stating, "ample pick", but she has made her choice. She has made her "devotion" to the "society", which I feel is speaking of being gay, being it's own society, due to the historical time.(1917)
In the end she closes the "valve" I believe this is her heart, she closes it off only for her true love, a woman. She states her conviction of her love by writing "set in stone." I found this poem to be very touching. Some will never know who they truly are, it takes people years and different paths to truly discover who they are and who they will be. I may be way off in this interpretation, but I do know she is writing from her heart. The writer's words are strong and to the point.
"The Soul selects her own Society."
I really enjoyed this poem. I analyzed the words of the poem, to me it was clear she was speaking of her sexuality. It is possible she is speaking of her choice to be true to her inner soul, who she really is, a lesbian. I focused on several words and based my interpretation from them. When she speaks of shutting the door to the majority, I view that as the majority being heterosexuals. She also writes she is not swayed by rich and powerful suitors that approach her for affection. She knows she could have who ever she chooses by stating, "ample pick", but she has made her choice. She has made her "devotion" to the "society", which I feel is speaking of being gay, being it's own society, due to the historical time.(1917)
In the end she closes the "valve" I believe this is her heart, she closes it off only for her true love, a woman. She states her conviction of her love by writing "set in stone." I found this poem to be very touching. Some will never know who they truly are, it takes people years and different paths to truly discover who they are and who they will be. I may be way off in this interpretation, but I do know she is writing from her heart. The writer's words are strong and to the point.
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